FUCK NO: Markus Krunegård - Everybody Hurts [VIDEO]

We're nearly four months into the year and I guess we're due for our most beloved column. Unfortunately though, we're having to focus on a man whose music we used to defend. Long-time readers should be familiar with Markus Krunegård's former band Laakso, who Joey and I both adored. A fan since Laakso's debut EP, I cannot tell you how many people I've suggested them to, pass on songs, etc—because I found Laakso to have something more to say, lyrically and musically. Their second album My Gods was one of my favorites of the last decade.

His solo career though, has found him releasing rather emotionless bland pop music. You felt every Laakso record, like you were a part of each song. The music really pushed his typically very good lyrics into a sense of inclusion. Now, he just sings over the music, which has become so secondary he may as well release an a cappella album. I should clarify that it's getting the FUCK NO tag not because it's necessarily bad, but more because I just keep finding myself disappointed. It doesn't add anything—it's just there.

FUCK NO: Die Antwoord

Longtime readers of the blog may be surprised that it look this long to finally acknowledge these purveyors of aural cud. As easy as they were to ignore the hype marketers began their push, they're statements pertaining to their upcoming record need to be translated, knowing how hard it may be for English speakers to pick out their Afrikaans lyrics. Their statements appear italicized below, with the translation underneath.

So anyway... Interscope offered us a bunch of money again to release our new album TEN$ION.

This is simple: Interscope/UMG paid for the recording of the new album.

But this time, they also tried to get involved with our music, to try and make us sound like everyone else out there at the moment.

Upon hearing the finished product, the executives asked if we could possibly make it listenable. We asked them to explain further. To paraphrase a near half-hour diatribe on what makes something listenable and referring to it as commercial rap's "Lulu" we found ourselves rather taken aback by their lack of faith in our "masterpiece"—they even suggested firing that blonde thing and replacing her with Rihanna. Fools, they are! We're making the music of the future we responded, and they had the gall to retort that the record sounded like a mixture of all of the worst rap songs of 2008.

So we said: 'U know what, rather hang on to your money, buy yourself something nice...we gonna do our own thing. Bye bye'

Mr. Record Executive wrote off the album expense, tore up our contract and even gave us the album. He said "Good luck even trying to give this to the toilet or the rubbish heap".

FUCK NO: Best Coast

MP3: Best Coast - How They Want Me To Be

As whatever indie rock has become continues to mock it's DIY past, the marketing group's Avril Lavigne has posted a demo from her upcoming album? Unsurprisingly, it sounds exactly like her other material—that stale bastardization of Northern Soul she's tried so hard to dilute. Don't get me wrong, it's not the fact that trying to use a musical style as your base to work with is at all wrong. In fact, that's what all contemporary music is. It's that her attempts have never been better than mediocre at best, and the trumpeting of her catalogue by the music press is bewildering. That is, until you've realize it's not about the product but only about the number$.

FUCK NO: Commercial Trap

MP3: Wiz Khalifa - No Sleep

I still find it a strange phenomenon when, once an emcee signs with a major label, they most likely proceed to release an album of party rap—each song purposefully purports itself to be an anthem. Hooks and cheese (and not the money colloquialism) are turned up to eleven, lyrical content tends to focus on simplistic themes and dire rhyme schemes, and the beats are always danceable to some extent. I guess I'm just more surprised that there's such a minimal effort to counter the trend. It's mostly likely purely a marketing move, but Wiz Khalifa has easily succumbed to that even more on his awful new album "Rolling Papers"; one can hope he can earn a living from the singles this record produces, because he surely has no integrity left for subsistence.

FUCK NO: Cults' Go Outside video

MP3: Cults - Go Outside

Cults have really got a lot of mileage out of a limited catalogue, with most of the focus being on their excellent "Go Outside" hit. Today, a video produced by anti-music video company MTV has premiered and man did everyone involved miss the point entirely.

Staring Emma Roberts and Dave Franco (a kid who is endlessly destined to always have it mentioned that he is the brother of James, mostly because he has no talent to help him stand on his own two feet), it takes a song of dark, evil, cheerful pop and glosses it to a 2-bit love story that no one could give a shit about. It is truly everything that is terrible about music videos and I'm hoping with one viewing of this schlock I can forget it's image anytime I listen to this song.

Shame on Patrick Hoelck, the director. Clearly, you are a hack. Let's please throw money at people WITH vision people!

FUCK NO: Shut Up Shop

MP3: Cut/Copy - Alisa

Here is a song from the new Cut/Copy record, if that's your kind of thing. If it's not, then we can agree on something. However, being Australian it does make me hope Luke Steele has something new in the works, preferably under The Sleepy Jackson.

Throwing Up

MP3: Abe Vigoda - November

I've now found myself a bit ashamed to say that I enjoyed the single "Throwing Shade" when it was released. I enjoyed Skeleton and Reviver, even the amateurish Kid City. Sadly, one track cannot save the new Abe Vigoda album, even if the heights of that "November" reaches prevents the vomit from exiting my mouth for two minutes and fifty-one seconds.

FUCK NO: About as white as it gets...

MP3: The New Pornographers - Silver Jenny Dollar

The New Pornographers have returned with yet another album of unnecessarily bland adult contemporary songs. One thing about this lot is at least they're formulaic and consistent. NPR and Paste could not be happier to wade their way through another summer of mediocrity. I feel for you, Canada.

FUCK NO: Vampire Weekend b-side

MP3: Vampire Weekend - Boulevard du Automne

Here it is, finally, the launch of FUCK NO, a series conceived by Matt Giordano who officially launches this new feature. We hope to do a couple of these to satisfy pr companies who send us god awful records and also to open the eyes of the masses and dehype the hype. You're going to love us.

This is a b-side from the Vampire Weekend "Contra" album sessions. Caveat emptor.

FUCK NO: "Can't Stop Partying" by Weezer & Lil Wayne

MP3: Weezer - Can't Stop Partying (featuring Lil Wayne)
MP3: Rivers Cuomo - Can't Stop Partying

(NOTE: the man/google made us take down the links to these jams. it's no loss, they kinda suck anyway, hence the "fuck no" post)

Let's call this the second entry of this feature, even though you have yet to see the first. FUCK NO is a series of posts that we think are just awful. A lot of the time, it will be a splash of water in the face of the blogosphere and it's readers, who seem to be circle jerking over something not worthy of their cum and really probably isn't honestly getting anyone hard to begin with.

Matt Giordano officially will launch this tomorrow and gets full credit of the idea, dating back to last year with his MGMT post and some other chick who the world has already forgotten. He also named it. So tomorrow, the first FUCK NO post. Today, the 2nd, forced out only because of today's coverage of the track we're posting. Get it?

Okay, first off: the new Weezer record is horrible. Like worse than the last piece of shit, which at least tried to revisit the roots of... the 3rd album. This fully embraces the "Beverly Hills" attitude (or "Raditute"... ugh) in the most awful way possible. Yes, if you shit on top of your shit, that shit then becomes larger, smellier and all together a horrible, horrible shit. No polishing here!

But Rivers Cuomo has been releasing these albums of demos and such from over the years that have been really good and the only form of honesty you're going to get from this mother fucker (enjoy those paychecks ya prick). On the second one, there was a demo of "Can't Stop Partying" that was dark and brooding. In the liners he said that was his intention and that he hoped the band version on the upcoming Weezer album would remain that way. So I held out hope for at least a song. Then it was announced Lil Wayne was guesting on the track. Not a big fan, but whatever. Could be cool.

So here we are. It is not cool. The song became the opposite of what made it great (wonder how many times that has happened over the years) and I think this might be the album to get all us fans who really only loved 2 records and kind of liked the Green Album to give up. We made it really far, further than anyone should. I can't think of any band that I've given this many chances to. Oh well. The only hope at this point is when he is left behind and he makes the great American divorce record but he'll still probably make a pop album to fuck Asian 19-somethings on the rebound.

Enjoy being 30 bro and trying to get 15 year olds to finger bang to this filth. Kids are into awful music, sure, but they're smarter than this.... right?